This is Me!

This is Me! The good, the bad, and the bald. You get it all! But I have hair now. This spring I'll be rockin the pixie.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Marble #20

Today I put marble #20 back in the jar. That leaves 15 more to go.  I wish I could tell you that it's actually going by quickly, but I think the everyday factor makes it feel like it's dragging on.  And that "sunburn" you may have heard about from others who have been there, well it's all true. Here's the kicker. When I get a real sunburn, I'm smart enough not to go back out into the sun!  With this I just keep headin back in for more.  And after the last two days, I am red!  I'll tell you what though... Going in with a smile is well worth it.  I continue to meet amazing people.  And that aspect I truly cherish. 

I had that crazy Sunday doctors appointment with my surgeon at the beginning of this last week.  I confess, I was convinced it was on Sunday because he wanted to tell me in person that my Braca gene test came back positive and that it was highly probably that all of my children would end up with cancer.  I was even more certain of this as I was driving past the hospital and several other medical facilities all with EMPTY parking lots.  Actually, the only other car I saw was Dr Kaughmans.  Perfect!   It took a while, but I did manage to reign in my free falling mind and bring my wandering thoughts captive.  I took a deep breath and surrendered the results of the testing to God. With that task completed, I went inside.  

He reviewed the treatments I have already received and covered the ones still to come. He reminded me how fortunate I was to have the triple positive cancer type as it responds very well to the drugs I have received.  He also told me what to expect from both myself and those around me coming into this next phase. I was actually very grateful for this insight, as it was confirmation of what a friend had warned me of so it was a good reminder. But I was wondering why the big delay for "the news" I was anticipating to hear. Then, after roughly 30 minutes worth of an appointment, he flipped the page up in my rapidly growing file and said "Well I guess that's it. You got your Braca results from your oncologist, right?"   

What? No!  Isn't that why I am here, on Sunday, alone with you?  So you can break the bad news to me?  

Then, Without fanfare or ceremony he says simply as if in passing "Oh, I thought she told you. It's fine"
He was doing a kindness to see me (and a few others) to catch up on where I was at, knowing he would be traveling and was booked out til November.   I was convinced he wanted to quickly deliver the bad news.  I know it's for situations much like this and others that you can easily relate to that the Bible advises us to not worry about tomorrow.  Today has enough of its' own stuff to keep us fully occupied. We don't need to borrow future concerns, especially ones that are woven from the same cloth as the Emperors New Clothes. Easier said than done. Believe me I know.  I also know it is possible.  It can be a simple matter of relinquishing your ticket to the spinning merry go round of your thought life.  What does this look like?  Maybe turning the radio up a little louder until you can't help but humm or sing along.  It might mean quoting a favorite scripture that has brought you peace.  It could be finding a quiet place to sit and silently process the situation.  For me it's drawing on the strength of the promise in my anchor verse, and following the sage advise of the author.  
He will keep in perfect peace him who's mind is steadfast because he trusts in The Lord.   Isaiah 26:3

15 marbles left.  One day at a time. One marble each day. And enough grace given simply to handle today. 

1 comment:

  1. So grateful for this story today Tami, and grateful for the test results. Thank you for continuing to share your journey.
    Love you, Chad