Recovery Round One

Well it's Friday, and I am still kicking.  Slower for sure and it exhausts me in a way I can't even describe to you. This week has been a learning experience without a doubt.  Tuesday I had very little energy, but not a lot of pain.  My head felt fuzzy and I had no appetite.  All in all, it wasn't too bad.  I slept well that night. When Wednesday morning came, the thing I noticed was how completely I ached from the inside out.  My head hurt constantly and food was not anywhere on the menu.  My sweet friend brought me some mini saltines that tasted good and sufficed as lunch and part of dinner.  In addition to the chemo drugs they pump into your system, they load you up with two anti nausea meds and a steroid that is to help with the other two that  are working for 48 hours.  Then they send you home with three more prescriptions for anti nausea.  So the problem isn't really getting sick.  They do everything they can to avoid that and to keep what ever food your able to eat, in.  It's the constant feeling like your right on the verge or that you don't want to eat cause it might make you sick.  Then my brain was conflicted because I knew I needed the food  and especially the protein, to help keep me strong and to give my body the strength it needs to keep fighting.  I woke up from a good nights sleep and could only last a few hours before needing another nap.  My energy level is completely non existent and for me this is a struggle of both the body and the mind.  I am used to being able to suck it up and just plow through.  This is going to be a humbling experience, giving me empathy and insight into others who struggle with constant pain and chronic fatigue.  It makes me feel weak and fragile, a place that I don't like to be, but a place where God has asked me to be for this season so that his strength can be made whole in me.

Yesterday was post op and they took the sutures out of the port surgery site.  Kinda funny to have them take the bandages off when it has already been used for treatment.  That was uneventful in itself and was followed up by a Blizzard.  I was hesitant cause it didn't sound like a great idea, but I hadn't eaten most of the day so I figured that if anything would taste good, a Blizzard might.  I am happy to report, it did!  Apparently there are some magical healing properties in Blizzards.  Who knew?

Today I woke up hungry, so this was an improvement.  My head still aches, but I have Tylenol.  I went for two short walks cause the rain let up and I had protein for lunch because it sounded good.  I took a nap and woke up to visit with my guys and their friends who came to see me after school.  It's been a better day.  I know the days after future treatments will be harder, but I am only asked to deal with today.  I find that in dealing with only today, it allows me to keep my mind steadfast and to continue to enjoy the perfect peace.

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.