This is Me!

This is Me! The good, the bad, and the bald. You get it all! But I have hair now. This spring I'll be rockin the pixie.

Friday, November 8, 2013

I've Officially Lost My Marbles

5, 4, 3, 2.....
In the past 7 weeks I've logged a minimum of 1,750 miles back and forth just for treatment and Dr appts, burning up roughly 85 gallons of gas.  I have gone through 5 different hydrating lotions, two hydro cortisone creams, a bottle of sun screen, a bottle of Tylenol and a bottle of wine.   I have left the poor sisters unsupported for weeks because the bras hurt with the burns. And then I marveled at the unexpected healing while still being treated.  My hair has grown an inch while my faith has increased by a mile.  Today is day 35 and the last marble goes.  I'm tempted to keep it as a stone of remembrance for this leg of the race.  While I shared with you the struggles I deal with at night when I'm alone, the laughter I shared during the days was where I found my strength and encouragement.

Through this uncomfortable phase of treatment I have felt one thing confirmed in me for sure.  We read in the scriptures of the saints saying "Here am I.  Send me".  They are ready to be used.  And I like to think I prayed that through.. in the past.  Africa? Yes. I would go.  Mexico, yes. Send me. Thailand?  I will certainly pray about it.  But the cancer center????  Hmmm, no, not so much.  I don't think I ever raised my hand to volunteer to be sent there and yet that is precisely where I find myself. And much to my surprise, even though it has meant walking through the fire to gain that experience, I have found so much joy in encouraging others who are unfortunately following behind me in a cancer walk of their own. If I can help them smile, I will.  If there's a question I can answer, I'm happy to help.  And if someone just needs to have their fears about this nasty thing called cancer validated and be listened to, I am able to do this.  

Part of my next phase will include me volunteering at the cancer center.  There was a time not too long ago when I was afraid of this place and the people in it.  I would turn my head and eyes away as I drove by, as if I would some how catch it just by acknowledging it.  Now, I feel comfortable at the center. There is no more fear associated with the people who enter those doors, as I am one of them.  I have a sense of belonging and I desire to help others walk this path.  I plan to be back weekly sitting with others as they endure their nasty beginning infusions and hopefully making some people smile.  It seems to be one of the things I am good at.

In terms of treatment I have Herceptin infusions every three weeks until sometime next June, and then surgeries and pills will follow.  And in case anyone was wondering because several have asked and I have never posted it, I had stage 3a breast cancer.  They never told me at the beginning and so I never asked, at least not until after I had my last Taxol treatment.  I didn't want a number associated with my process. 

Thank you all for your continued prayer and support.  I know it has been a long road and so many of you have been such a faithful part of this journey.  I am truly grateful.


  1. You are such an inspiration Tami, God Bless you. Sharon Johns

  2. We are so grateful for you and your faith, Tami! We love you and celebrate with you today! Your hair looks so cute!!! Love you...from afar...but a whole bunch.

  3. Thank you for sharing. I can't begin to imagine the journey you have been on & continue to travel. Your sister-in-law who I know from my MOPS table shared your link, & you know my husband as the guy in the hazmat/radiation suit. Prayers to you as you continue your journey. Sarah

  4. Wow! Sarah, thank you for telling me that. Thank you for your prayers too. Your husband is a great guy. It was nice having such caring and gentle people for such an "exposed" procedure. I mostly just tried to pretend I wasn't "exposed". I am sure they have to do the same thing. Did you see the picture with him and the others?

  5. "Here am I. Send me" - what a fantastic spirit and attitude you have. I love your wanting to help others and make them "smile" - You are one beautiful woman and mom - I thank the Lord for your faith and trust in Him - you are special Tami and I love you. Char