This is Me!

This is Me! The good, the bad, and the bald. You get it all! But I have hair now. This spring I'll be rockin the pixie.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Mixed Bag of Feelings

I have many mixed emotions heading into the final infusion.  It's kinda surreal to think about.  I don't think I'll fully get it for a while.  

Disbelief comes to mind when I think back on how long this season has felt at times.  The fact that it has stretched beyond a year is almost unbelievable.  In some ways, last year was like a blurr. Some things I don't totally remember and that's ok.  

Relief to be completing the recommended course of more invasive treatments ( minus the pills of course but I'm not counting them).   I never thought this was something I would add to my list of life experiences.  

Sadness and I realize this may make no sense at all, but there is a sense of purpose in actively treating the thing that was trying to kill you.  I think there is an emotional let down after being so up for the fight for so long.  

Happy to see my children rise to the occasion of supporting someone and picking up the slack when I needed extra help. Or just being around with me when I didn't feel well. 

Fearless like I have overcome something huge, And am ready to live! And live big. 

Thankfull to have walked this road because it allowed me to realize a purpose for which I feel so called to now. I want to help others who are in a similar place.  I can offer a bit of an understanding ear in a way I couldn't before.  Also, so thankful for all the amazing caregivers at the cancer center and all the new friends I have made both cancer related and not. 

Grateful that my cancer was treatable and hadn't spread. 

Blessed to have an amazing supportive group of friends and family. 

Amazed at the goodness of God in supplying everything I needed along the way including friends who had been through this before me.  And peace to weather the storm. 

Anxious to get it done and go celebrate. I think that's what inspired today's art   We were given a prompt of some photos of sailboats out in Bellingham Bay.  I was very intimidated by this idea until I added my perspective. I imagined where I would love to go to celebrate and decided to paint it.  Hmmm I'd love to be on those green waters.

So with my mixed bag of emotions...  I take another step forward. 

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully stated Tami! Your journey is inspirational! You've been pulled out of a horrible pit! Your feet are solid and your steps are established. You certainly have a song to share and the music of joy reaches out to others. You've moved on instead of "wallowing", as God keeps you busy with the joy of your heart. The tranquility of God is mirrored in you. (Psalm 40, Ecc. 5) I love you! Mom